A Lesbian?

2005-07-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

So, you want to call me a lesbian? Okay, but not without my giving you the details of why or rather why not to call me such. First of all, yes, I do have a "girlfriend" and yes, we do have sex together, which I suppose would constitute our being so called "lesbians." However, in order to be something don't you have to actually feel it or aknowledge it? I love my girlfriend and she loves me, but I am not the least bit attracted to other women, but I am still attracted to men. So, what exactly does that make me?

How could I? Part 1

2005-07-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

How could I? I often hear those words in my head. How could I have ever had sex with a married man or two, or more? How could I fall in love with my best friend, who just happens to be of the same sex as me? Trying to analyze myself gets me into trouble. The best thing for me to do when I start asking myself these unanswered questions, is to find something quick, anything else to think about. And I do. But nevertheless it always comes back to the same questions. So, let me try and analyze myself as if I were seeing a client.
Parents divorced when child was 2 years old. Mother remarried when child was 5 years old, has 3 siblings, one older, 2 younger. Went away to college for one year, lived in a dorm, learned about life by living it. Moved to another state after that first year in college, dated a guy my oldest sister introduced me to and became engaged and married within several months. Married, got pregnant, in that order, had three children, and then 3 months after last child was born, husband decided he didn't want to "do this anymore." He was cheating with a much younger woman, divorced him and moved back to the state my parents live. Several months later, he followed to same state, but continued to have little to do with children. Children felt abandoned by their father, mother had to be mom and dad for years to the children.
First relationship after divorce ended up with a con artist, who stole not only from me but my family. Lets just say he used my American Express card, and never left home without it. After nearly costing me my relationship with my oldest sister, he finally was out of the picture.
Then came a friend of my youngest sister and her husband. A real country boy, which was for some reason a turn on at the time. Of course, some attention from a man is better than none from any man, right? This good ole boy sweet talked me into marrying him, then after several months of financial issues it occured to me the reason we had no money was he was using all his paychecks on his necessities such as beer, 3 cases a week, a $100 bag of pot, and 2 cases of cigarettes. So that's where it all went? Makes a person feel quite stupid not seeing it all along. So, as a final straw the alcoholic drug user smacked my oldest son leaving his handprint on his face and I had his arrested and got the hell out of there. What was I thinking? Who was I trying to kid? That relationship was the biggest joke of my entire life. So much in fact that I don't even "count" that marriage in conversation. While my so called marriage was drifting and falling apart, my eye kept roaming at my job. I was a McDonald's employee everyday, Monday thur Friday from 6-2 or 8-4. What a way to meet people I mean everyone eats at Mc'D's sometime or another. And that's where it all began. I absolutley ate up the attention I got from the male clientale. I knew what they wanted and usually had it waiting on them when they got to the counter. I was good at my job, and flirting was fun. One of the regulars, worked at a local factory would come in everyday and get me to wait on him. No matter how long my line was, he waited for me. He followed me around town, which at first was kinda fun, ya know, getting all that attention. He followed me all the way home once, which spooked me somewhat. One day I stopped when he was following me and asked what he wanted with me. He implied he wanted to have sex with me, to follow him. So I did. follow him. He was a nervous wreck, couldn't have had sex with me right then if his life had depended on it. I laughed at him, and left. Several months later he wanted to try again, I was bored so I followed him. This time we did have sex, but it was like nothing I had ever done. Casual sex was suppose to be fun and enjoyable, this was more like, omg, hurry up already, I'm ready to go! I talked to a girlfriend of mine about it and she simply laughed and said not to beat myself up about it, that he was what she called "my sex buddy" nothing but sex.

Married Men

2005-07-02T06:30:00.000-07:00

Good girls wouldn't purposely go out with a married man, or would they? I've considered myself to be somewhat of a "good girl" however, my history with 'married men' would show otherwise. When you don't have a "someone special" in your life, that's when good girls act up.
I have had sex with several married men, being fully aware of their marriage, and did it anyway. Why? I'm not sure. Was it just sex? Some of it, some of it wasn't either. How can a decent woman with children actually look herself in the mirror after having sex with someone else's husband? Easy, he's the wife's problem, not yours!

Good Girls Wouldn't....

A Lesbian?

How could I? Part 1

Married Men